Words of a Heart In Love

Archive for September 2013

Today I actually feel down and like crying, it’s been a while since I write on my blog, things are more or less the same; he calls and write sporadically.  I’ve been going to counseling for the last 8 months; trying to find out why I have been so emotionally attached to My great Love for such a long time.  I can’t really say what therapy; has or has not done for me.  I thought I was doing better, I thought I was overcoming the feeling I get when he isn’t around, when he doesn’t make me feel I matter to him; but I guess I was wrong because today for the first time after almost 8 months; I feel like crying.  I’m sad, I’m down and I’m mad.  I want to tell him Fuck You for not putting enough effort to talk to me even though things are crazy at work, fuck you for making me feel I just don’t matter enough for you to do so, and fuck you for making me feel all this time has been in vain and that I’m probably in the same fucked up emotional state I was in October.  Why can’t I hate him, and just walk the fuck away from him.  I’m so bitter and mad right now because instead I just fucking love him, and if it’s not love I feel; then I don’t know why the fuck I would let this hurt me so much and still today after almost 7 years continue to put up with it.  What is the matter with me GOOD GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!   FUCK ME HARD!!!!!!

Pardon my bad mouthing but I’m so mad and very disappointed with myself right now!!!!